You know its funny, how I keep holding on to memories of this past year, oh India you definitely left me with many, trying to jam them into my already full suitcases, anxiously making sure they don’t go over 20 kg so I don’t have to pay the overcharge. What is it about this country that makes me want to fit it all so neatly inside my suitcases? As if you can ever try to explain all of these experiences ,especially the spiritual ones, using the form of material things…
But Of course, being one that is extremely visual and gets attached easily to “things”, clearly my one year experience keeps manifesting itself into material things: like the Kukkum Powder that I must carry with me to do Puja anywhere I go next , and of course there must be room for my 3 Saris which I will wear again someday somewhere ( even if they are in my dreams) and the 5 Kurtas I must carry back with me, which have remnants of soap due to being handwashed endlessely in buckets and hung to dry with spiders and bees that loved to nestle in their warmth everyday in the Guesthouse backyard.
There is of course all the religious manifestations I must bring with me like the 7 miniature Ganeshas I now own because I cannot get any other kind to fit into my suitcase which are a result of my connection to Ganesha . These Ganeshas all hold memories of temples that I visited and must be wrapped gently inside my religious batiks of Lakshmi and Ganesha. I must also carry back as many rudras as possible for Shiva and his tears, to tie on the wrists of all my loved ones for protection. And, let us not forget the bracelets, bindis and henna powder that I must also keep to remember all the Indian celebrations and especially the endless bhangra dances I performed for the kids at Shanti Bhavan.
I must learn to laugh at myself for these “things” and for the long list of anxieties and fears that I now want to let go of and not pack into my luggage. Its funny how things change, the same luggage that was previously full of doubt, and hope, and also wrestled with being overweight with U.S. comforts such as toilet paper and protein bars, now has become empty and full of grace. It has become full of laughter, unconditional love, magic, endless colors and one strong warrior waiting to step into her next journey a little lighter, more trusting of the universe, ready to tell her story and in the process hoping it will help others tell theirs.
One thing is for certain, the 204 children I met here at Shanti Bhavan, in India are forever changed by me, as I am by them. We shall meet again I am sure, in this lifetime or in many to come. So now, I pack my memories of them as well into my suitcase, never fearing if I shall return again, because in my heart I know I will and even though there is a lot of uncertaintly where my future lies, I do know one thing, once I have something set inside my heart, there is little that the universe can do to stop me. I have changed my fate before, according to many psychics and destiny is only something I believe now, we help to write with a little of help from the universe. This is my story, India just now a chapter in my book that I must write and I have a feeling there will be more chapters left to live and write on this magical journey of a girl who believed she could heal the world with a little love, magic and color.
