Pondicherry- Je t'aime!

As we rolled in to this picturesque town of Pondicherry, an old French colony that had influenced its Indian natives in more ways than one, I knew it was going to live up to its description in Indian Vogue. Yes, I do read Indian fashion magazines! They seem a novelty to me here in rural India. What’s a girl to do in the middle of nowhere on a Friday night? But this is for another time, back to Pondicherry.
Here in Pondicherry, Temples meet Colonial Style homes, all against the backdrop of the Indian Ocean, need I say more? Oh, and did I mention, the Chocolate Croissants and Café Au Laits are plenty, which seemed to please my deprived Chocoholic self. Since this was a seaside town, I was also met with amazing seafood options as well as fresh fruit juice and even soy milk which is hard to find at Shanti Bhavan. We arrived at sunrise, and by the rocks I sat and meditated and did yoga. Afterwards I treated myself to a buffet fit for a king!
I then I went to see the famous elephant named appropriately Lakshmi. She stood in front of Ganesha’s temple. I gave her food and she blessed me. I have never been blessed by an elephant before. I was blown away by the grandeouse act of this beautiful elephant. She walked around inside the temple, while I waited to do puja ( an act of devotion to the Hindu gods often involving Coconuts, Bananas,Red and White Powder, Fire and Rose Water among others). Later I ate and walked around town.
The multicultural impact of this town could be felt everywhere. I heard Spanish, French, Hindi, Tamil and even some German. Pondicherry, is definitely has a bohemian atmosphere to say the least, full of hippies and lovers of all. A laid back town, where the stores close at Noon and re-open at Four’o clock for an Indian Siesta I suppose!
The next day, I found out, that we could take a boat to a semi-private beach. I grew overwhelmed with joy! The ride by boat on the Bay of Bengal was beautifully serene. Slowly, as the boat docked, I was able to catch a glimpse of the shores of the Indian Ocean. The Indian Ocean was magnificent! It was here that it dawned on me, that no matter how far or close I go, the ocean will always be my temple of choice. I spent the day on an isolated beach, where I freely got to wear my swimsuit (this is saying a lot, since women do not usually shed this much skin in India!) Here I meditated, and prayed and cleansed my crystals. Here I found my peace again. I had not bathed in the ocean for months now, and I really missed the peace of mind the ocean had and always gives me. I found it here.
I felt less alone, next to her, this grand ocean, the vast goddess that never stops flowing. Here I was blessed . It was here I sat under a palm tree watching the fisherman village nearby collecting fish with nets, and the school girls dipping their feet in the ocean (by the looks of their faces, perhaps for the first time) that I was gratefully humbled. It is common knowledge , according to my fellow Indian volunteer that accompanied me, along with two others to Pondicherry, that many Indians do not live near the Ocean and do not learn how to swim. The signs “Not Allowed to Swim” were everywhere. I was in shock when I heard this. I do not know if I could stop myself from going in this ocean, how sorry I felt for the non-swimmers, who stood longingly staring at the ocean, not to be able to be immerse themselves deep in her embrace. This ocean has a power that always draws me in. I would probably rather drown than not taste her power, her salt and her genius calm.
Three days later upon my return on this 6 hour trip, I am more relaxed and ever grateful for the opportunity to have had a true vacation, Miami Beach style, the rest of my travels in India will not be the same I predict. For this I will always cherish the comforts of Pondicherry, the ocean and the time spent here and I just might be back to this town if time permits again…

Here are more Birthday Pics!

A Sari and the Girl who dreamed of wearing one...

As human beings, we are always trying to define our experiences with symbols that remind us of momentous occasions, beautiful or dark. I know I have done that with the tattoos I wear on my body. They are symbols of triumphs and losses. They tell my story, reminding me not to forget.
In India, I have grown to believe the women do the same with their saris. Each one so delicately tailored for an event, whether good or bad. Saris are made for a wedding, a graduation, a birthday or an anniversary. They are carefully chosen, tailored, draped and put on. That is why I chose to get my first sari for my birthday. I wanted to mark my arrival in India, with one of its strongest symbols: the sari.
The process that goes into making a sari was so much more complicated than I expected yet necessary. The textile pieces had to be delicately chosen, as a silk sari will drape differently than a cotton sari. Where you shop for your sari, is also a huge deal, but I chose to go into the small town where I teach, Hosur. I wanted my first sari to be simple and humble. As I looked at the million options before me, I was almost moved to tears when I found the one I was looking for. Like love at first sight, you always know when you see it, but until then you cannot describe what you are looking for. The choices were endless!
As I bought my beautiful pink, orange and turquoise blue sari material, and as they took my measurements, I began to get emotional. This sari, is a symbol, just like all the other saris the women wear on the streets of India. I too will now tell a story with my sari. I will say, this was my first sari, the one I got the first time I was in India. The one I dreamed of wearing for years in the States. I will tell of how I worked 3 jobs to raise the money to come to India to wear this sari. I will remember the tears at the airport and with many friends as I said goodbye to the comforts of America wearing this sari. This sari will drape proudly on my yogi body, showing my Om on my back. It will let the world know, I have come to heal, not only myself but to extend my wisdom to these children at Shanti Bhavan and to the people I meet in India. I will tell of how I feel my soul is finally home, that I have come here to settle something that is beyond me, perhaps from my past karma. I will tell how this sari starts this story, the one I am living in right now. I only hope I have the wisdom to understand it as it unfolds.
Today on my birthday I will wear this Sari, my beautiful gold anklets, a bindi on my forehead, and the henna on my hands. I will wear lilies in my hair and I will go to temple, to receive a blessing. On this day I will pray:
Gods of India, Ganesha .Laskshmi, Saraswati, Hanuman. Maharaji(my guru), Gods of Gods, and the beautiful Universe, please bless me this year. May I remember the goals I have set before me. I want to change the world with my love. Allow me to do that. Let me find all the answers I am looking for in India. Rid me of my bad karma. Let me make peace with my heart and embrace the love that is within me and reflect it onto those I cross paths with. Allow me to always be compassionate. Remind me always to follow my heart and in doing so, let it bring me abundance in health, love and wealth.

Open Heart- Under my First Full Moon in India!

When I was little, I used to fantasize that I would be rescued from my crazy Cuban El Salvadoran household. I used to look up at the moon and wish that one day, my prince would come riding in shining armor to rescue me. As I grew older, everything I was exposed to pushed me to believe this myth. My mom constantly supported the idea that I would need to be rescued. Whether she knew it or not, she was teaching me to believe that I could not survive by myself in this crazy world. I don’t entirely blame her, I think women in general are taught to believe they cannot be without a man in their life. But time and experience has shown me otherwise.
Funny tonight, here I am in India, under the same sky and under my first full moon (the moon is definitely brighter here). I don’t know if it’s the full moon’s energy or just me, but I wake up in panic tonight about my destiny with love. Yes, I still worry about this at 32-years of age! My mind always wanders back to the same questions: What If when I return from this adventure, I have not found what I am looking for? Will I be able to find healthy love again? Will I be able to find a job ? Will I be able to create a family as I have planned for in the upcoming year? Or will I be alone, still broken hearted and jobless?
I have travelled so far, hoping I will find answers here... but really in looking, am I still seeking to be rescued? Who will truly rescue me? I don’t think anyone can. I know I am here to rescue myself, no one else knows me enough to come close. .. And what do I need to be rescued from really? From my loneliness? My broken heart? I know now, I need to be rescued from me! From those myths in my mind that promote the idea that I am alone and that I am not enough.
I know I have come here to face myself. That time will test me, and that only time will show me the warrior inside me. It really is hard sometimes not to fear. I think we all have this fear of ending up alone. It never seems to escape us. But the funny thing is we are not alone. We have the moon, the ocean and the world at our feet. We have so much love within us. Sometimes it is hard to see it. I am learning in India, that I can do anything I set my mind to do and that I am strong enough to be alone with myself.
India is teaching me, along with this past year, that I don’t need a relationship but would like to be in one. I don’t need kids, but I would like to be a mother. That I don’t “need” but would “like”..love.. the type of love that is beautifully strong, that champions my independence and loves me the way I love myself.
We all deserve more than we think we do and I really think we can find the love we are looking for, if we believe we deserve it. Why not? I am reminded of this thought, here at Shanti Bhavan when I take a look at my girls who are still learning about life and I know I have come to teach them to be strong and courageous. I have come to teach them that they are worthy of love, love for themselves and love to be received from others. I have come to show them that: You can be the maker of your destiny. That they should be proud of being born a woman even if sometimes this is not supported here in rural India. I come to teach by example, that they too can be break the cycle of dependence.
When a fifth grader tells me “ I will never be able to have “ I correct her and and say “ You can have whatever you want, that is why you are here, to work hard and get a good education that will get you a good job and then you will have enough money to do with it, what you want.”
I’d like to think I am teaching these girls to become their own warriors, their own prince in shining armor. So I look at the full moon in the Indian sky, and I think India yet again reveals another mission in my life : I will start a revolution of strong beautiful women, one girl at a time. But I must start somewhere right? So, I am starting with this girl, right now , right here, under this moon..
I proclaim another affirmation and lesson:
I am a warrior princess. Strong and courageous. Bold and beautiful. Open and ready to give and receive love. This is why I am here in India, to finally hold my heart and sit silently under the moon, with Ganesha as my witness, and make my wish:
May I never stop believing in love, the kind of love that is strong and powerful and lays within me. And may I have the wisdom to reflect it on any one who is willing to receive it, so we can transform each other, and in one way or another transform the world...