Pondicherry- Je t'aime!

As we rolled in to this picturesque town of Pondicherry, an old French colony that had influenced its Indian natives in more ways than one, I knew it was going to live up to its description in Indian Vogue. Yes, I do read Indian fashion magazines! They seem a novelty to me here in rural India. What’s a girl to do in the middle of nowhere on a Friday night? But this is for another time, back to Pondicherry.
Here in Pondicherry, Temples meet Colonial Style homes, all against the backdrop of the Indian Ocean, need I say more? Oh, and did I mention, the Chocolate Croissants and Café Au Laits are plenty, which seemed to please my deprived Chocoholic self. Since this was a seaside town, I was also met with amazing seafood options as well as fresh fruit juice and even soy milk which is hard to find at Shanti Bhavan. We arrived at sunrise, and by the rocks I sat and meditated and did yoga. Afterwards I treated myself to a buffet fit for a king!
I then I went to see the famous elephant named appropriately Lakshmi. She stood in front of Ganesha’s temple. I gave her food and she blessed me. I have never been blessed by an elephant before. I was blown away by the grandeouse act of this beautiful elephant. She walked around inside the temple, while I waited to do puja ( an act of devotion to the Hindu gods often involving Coconuts, Bananas,Red and White Powder, Fire and Rose Water among others). Later I ate and walked around town.
The multicultural impact of this town could be felt everywhere. I heard Spanish, French, Hindi, Tamil and even some German. Pondicherry, is definitely has a bohemian atmosphere to say the least, full of hippies and lovers of all. A laid back town, where the stores close at Noon and re-open at Four’o clock for an Indian Siesta I suppose!
The next day, I found out, that we could take a boat to a semi-private beach. I grew overwhelmed with joy! The ride by boat on the Bay of Bengal was beautifully serene. Slowly, as the boat docked, I was able to catch a glimpse of the shores of the Indian Ocean. The Indian Ocean was magnificent! It was here that it dawned on me, that no matter how far or close I go, the ocean will always be my temple of choice. I spent the day on an isolated beach, where I freely got to wear my swimsuit (this is saying a lot, since women do not usually shed this much skin in India!) Here I meditated, and prayed and cleansed my crystals. Here I found my peace again. I had not bathed in the ocean for months now, and I really missed the peace of mind the ocean had and always gives me. I found it here.
I felt less alone, next to her, this grand ocean, the vast goddess that never stops flowing. Here I was blessed . It was here I sat under a palm tree watching the fisherman village nearby collecting fish with nets, and the school girls dipping their feet in the ocean (by the looks of their faces, perhaps for the first time) that I was gratefully humbled. It is common knowledge , according to my fellow Indian volunteer that accompanied me, along with two others to Pondicherry, that many Indians do not live near the Ocean and do not learn how to swim. The signs “Not Allowed to Swim” were everywhere. I was in shock when I heard this. I do not know if I could stop myself from going in this ocean, how sorry I felt for the non-swimmers, who stood longingly staring at the ocean, not to be able to be immerse themselves deep in her embrace. This ocean has a power that always draws me in. I would probably rather drown than not taste her power, her salt and her genius calm.
Three days later upon my return on this 6 hour trip, I am more relaxed and ever grateful for the opportunity to have had a true vacation, Miami Beach style, the rest of my travels in India will not be the same I predict. For this I will always cherish the comforts of Pondicherry, the ocean and the time spent here and I just might be back to this town if time permits again…

Here are more Birthday Pics!

A Sari and the Girl who dreamed of wearing one...

As human beings, we are always trying to define our experiences with symbols that remind us of momentous occasions, beautiful or dark. I know I have done that with the tattoos I wear on my body. They are symbols of triumphs and losses. They tell my story, reminding me not to forget.
In India, I have grown to believe the women do the same with their saris. Each one so delicately tailored for an event, whether good or bad. Saris are made for a wedding, a graduation, a birthday or an anniversary. They are carefully chosen, tailored, draped and put on. That is why I chose to get my first sari for my birthday. I wanted to mark my arrival in India, with one of its strongest symbols: the sari.
The process that goes into making a sari was so much more complicated than I expected yet necessary. The textile pieces had to be delicately chosen, as a silk sari will drape differently than a cotton sari. Where you shop for your sari, is also a huge deal, but I chose to go into the small town where I teach, Hosur. I wanted my first sari to be simple and humble. As I looked at the million options before me, I was almost moved to tears when I found the one I was looking for. Like love at first sight, you always know when you see it, but until then you cannot describe what you are looking for. The choices were endless!
As I bought my beautiful pink, orange and turquoise blue sari material, and as they took my measurements, I began to get emotional. This sari, is a symbol, just like all the other saris the women wear on the streets of India. I too will now tell a story with my sari. I will say, this was my first sari, the one I got the first time I was in India. The one I dreamed of wearing for years in the States. I will tell of how I worked 3 jobs to raise the money to come to India to wear this sari. I will remember the tears at the airport and with many friends as I said goodbye to the comforts of America wearing this sari. This sari will drape proudly on my yogi body, showing my Om on my back. It will let the world know, I have come to heal, not only myself but to extend my wisdom to these children at Shanti Bhavan and to the people I meet in India. I will tell of how I feel my soul is finally home, that I have come here to settle something that is beyond me, perhaps from my past karma. I will tell how this sari starts this story, the one I am living in right now. I only hope I have the wisdom to understand it as it unfolds.
Today on my birthday I will wear this Sari, my beautiful gold anklets, a bindi on my forehead, and the henna on my hands. I will wear lilies in my hair and I will go to temple, to receive a blessing. On this day I will pray:
Gods of India, Ganesha .Laskshmi, Saraswati, Hanuman. Maharaji(my guru), Gods of Gods, and the beautiful Universe, please bless me this year. May I remember the goals I have set before me. I want to change the world with my love. Allow me to do that. Let me find all the answers I am looking for in India. Rid me of my bad karma. Let me make peace with my heart and embrace the love that is within me and reflect it onto those I cross paths with. Allow me to always be compassionate. Remind me always to follow my heart and in doing so, let it bring me abundance in health, love and wealth.

Open Heart- Under my First Full Moon in India!

When I was little, I used to fantasize that I would be rescued from my crazy Cuban El Salvadoran household. I used to look up at the moon and wish that one day, my prince would come riding in shining armor to rescue me. As I grew older, everything I was exposed to pushed me to believe this myth. My mom constantly supported the idea that I would need to be rescued. Whether she knew it or not, she was teaching me to believe that I could not survive by myself in this crazy world. I don’t entirely blame her, I think women in general are taught to believe they cannot be without a man in their life. But time and experience has shown me otherwise.
Funny tonight, here I am in India, under the same sky and under my first full moon (the moon is definitely brighter here). I don’t know if it’s the full moon’s energy or just me, but I wake up in panic tonight about my destiny with love. Yes, I still worry about this at 32-years of age! My mind always wanders back to the same questions: What If when I return from this adventure, I have not found what I am looking for? Will I be able to find healthy love again? Will I be able to find a job ? Will I be able to create a family as I have planned for in the upcoming year? Or will I be alone, still broken hearted and jobless?
I have travelled so far, hoping I will find answers here... but really in looking, am I still seeking to be rescued? Who will truly rescue me? I don’t think anyone can. I know I am here to rescue myself, no one else knows me enough to come close. .. And what do I need to be rescued from really? From my loneliness? My broken heart? I know now, I need to be rescued from me! From those myths in my mind that promote the idea that I am alone and that I am not enough.
I know I have come here to face myself. That time will test me, and that only time will show me the warrior inside me. It really is hard sometimes not to fear. I think we all have this fear of ending up alone. It never seems to escape us. But the funny thing is we are not alone. We have the moon, the ocean and the world at our feet. We have so much love within us. Sometimes it is hard to see it. I am learning in India, that I can do anything I set my mind to do and that I am strong enough to be alone with myself.
India is teaching me, along with this past year, that I don’t need a relationship but would like to be in one. I don’t need kids, but I would like to be a mother. That I don’t “need” but would “like”..love.. the type of love that is beautifully strong, that champions my independence and loves me the way I love myself.
We all deserve more than we think we do and I really think we can find the love we are looking for, if we believe we deserve it. Why not? I am reminded of this thought, here at Shanti Bhavan when I take a look at my girls who are still learning about life and I know I have come to teach them to be strong and courageous. I have come to teach them that they are worthy of love, love for themselves and love to be received from others. I have come to show them that: You can be the maker of your destiny. That they should be proud of being born a woman even if sometimes this is not supported here in rural India. I come to teach by example, that they too can be break the cycle of dependence.
When a fifth grader tells me “ I will never be able to have “ I correct her and and say “ You can have whatever you want, that is why you are here, to work hard and get a good education that will get you a good job and then you will have enough money to do with it, what you want.”
I’d like to think I am teaching these girls to become their own warriors, their own prince in shining armor. So I look at the full moon in the Indian sky, and I think India yet again reveals another mission in my life : I will start a revolution of strong beautiful women, one girl at a time. But I must start somewhere right? So, I am starting with this girl, right now , right here, under this moon..
I proclaim another affirmation and lesson:
I am a warrior princess. Strong and courageous. Bold and beautiful. Open and ready to give and receive love. This is why I am here in India, to finally hold my heart and sit silently under the moon, with Ganesha as my witness, and make my wish:
May I never stop believing in love, the kind of love that is strong and powerful and lays within me. And may I have the wisdom to reflect it on any one who is willing to receive it, so we can transform each other, and in one way or another transform the world...

Food for thought.. India's spices inspire!

On this hot day, after much temple visiting, I grow weary and hungry. I am relieved to see that I am given Prasad at the Hare Krishna Temple (ISKCON) in Bangalore. I sit and eat my meal, given to me in a coconut leaf bowl. I rinse my mouth with coconut water which has been sprinkled on me several times today as a blessing.
After stopping at several other temples along the way, I finally arrive at City Centre to meet my fellow volunteers and faculty super hungry! They begin by taking me on a gastronomical adventure! First, we stop at a booth randomly tucked in to a corner of Church st., after crossing a million cars and almost getting hit by several of them. I watch as they make “Paan”, a leaf sprinkled with tobacco, rosepetals dipped in honey, and various other ingredients that are said to help with digestion and boosts energy! Its crunchy and a bit of “a party in my mouth”, but overall refreshing and believe me, I am not trying to be cliché about it!
We then move on to get some Kulfi, which is a delicious ice cream gelato made from pistachios and saffron served on a stick. This is a treat, since the day has only grown hotter walking down the side streets of Bangalore city centre in the hunt for Yoga books.

I will begin to teach yoga to the upper level girls at 6:30 am twice a week starting this upcoming week! I am excited and honored to teach Indian youth, a craft that originated here. I am also daunted by the idea that I will be teaching Yoga in India. The principle had approached me about it last week and the kids have been asking me to teach them more about yoga for a while now, it was just a matter of time. And can I really say no? Obviously, part of my mission here in India is to grow as a teacher of many things, one now also being that of Yoga.
But more on that later, back to my delicious experience with Indian food! My ice cream is followed by Indian Chaat, which is amazingly spicy and almost unbearable but of course I politely eat it and try to hold back the tears and runny nose that has been produced by the spiciness and that has clearly overwhelmed my senses.

I stop to think, I am delighted to continue to learn more about India and about its food and religious practices. I am humbled by the culinary genius of the country and moved by its gorgeous rituals created to honor their gods. We finally end the day, smoking Hookah at a fabulous café named: Mocha, where all the hip modern Indian youth go to smoke and drink coffee.
As we take the 2 hour drive home, I grow tired. I fall asleep in the car.. dreaming of the treasures I have experienced today; puja (the ritual to bless the gods and yourself), my new copy of Autobiography of a Yogi, and the taste of Watermelon mint from the Hookah… I am truly blessed to know India. I feel grateful everyday for being here. I am excited for more adventures both gastronomical and spiritual!

The Many Colors of India..

It seems there is nothing dull about India, including the colors of its earth, which is a redish deep brick-like color. The layers of beauty come from its simplicity. India is an abstract painting full of Ganeshas, OM’s and colorful arrays of recycled papered stands. Even the Pooja flowers strung everyday for the Gods are a gorgeous mix of Orange, Reds, Yellow and White. The sunsets and sunrises are a magnificent hue of pinks and orange, they definitely inspire. With so much visual stimulation, it is no wonder India has produced so many gurus and drawn so many spiritual seekers here. This is the visual mecca of the world!
And then there are the Saris, the palettes of bright Fuschias, deep blues and yellows are astounding. The women who wear these Saris are just as beautiful. These women wear their bindis full of pride and hold themselves so ever gracefully while walking in their saris. It is a sight to be seen (an art form all together). India is a moving painting, a feast for the eyes, which is inspiring me everyday.
Although I do not get to go off the grounds of Shanti Bhavan that often, even in the middle of these tropical farmlands, I am moved visually. The deep rocks I climb to meditate in the evening where I often get to catch the sunsets and picturesque grounds that surround Shanti Bhavan bring me my daily Zen. The moon and the stars shine brightly here in this haven of peace, where the kids dream soundly at night. I often wonder how much they miss their families and how many tears are shed silently at night, but I trust that their must be peace and laughter shared in their dreams too.
These children are teaching me every day, they help me remember what is truly important in life. For example, in a days work, which starts at 6 am for me and often ends at 9pm, a lifetime of work is done. The mother in me is definitely coming out! I kiss boo boos, I wipe tears, do conflict-resolution when kids are bullied and even manage to build group morale and self-esteem in Math class. As a therapist, I don’t think I know any other way than to approach my volunteerism from a therapeutic lens. I hope I can model for these children that despite where they come from and what they have learned from their families and their peers, that they too can be peace keepers and can stand up for what is right. They can teach love and tolerance by the way they live their life. The array of colors and textures, even in the personalities of these children, has brought me to life again.
India and Shanti Bhavan, mix beautifully for me. I have been craving this painting, and I am learning to embrace it even with its complexities that seem full of potential. I will mix these colors with pain, love, struggle and a lot of patience, to create my own masterpiece of life…

Finally Homesick! A lesson on letting go...

I have finally become homesick. It surprised me how little time it took for me to grow needy of American comforts, such as warm showers, non-spicy food and internet access! I miss my endless texting (silly I know) and my beautiful friends, who have throughout this year, kept my heart at ease when I grew sad and lonely and sometimes even kept my head above water. But, perhaps being homesick is normal? It feels like a shedding of a cocoon,( which I have seen a lot of lately on the trees, they have the most beautiful butterflies here). As I overcome my homesickness, I know I am shedding all unnecessary attachments. I try in my own way, to woman up!

I grow in fear that the “I” of me is being swallowed into a bigger whole here. This “I” does not serve me. The fear comes from my ego talking. When we attach ourselves to what is, and who we are, we miss out on inner growth and often needed self-reflection. Sometimes, we need to take ourselves outside the box to gain perspective. The only way to grow, is to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone. Being in India, an excercise of survival for me. Here, I am learning to become greater that I am. In India, I am learning to trust the universe to align what is right, and rid me of what is wrong.

My body certainly is undergoing its changes too! I have eliminated all the excesses. I no longer eat meat, drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes or engage in sexual relationships. I have taken a vow of abstinence and purification. I have also taken the ultimate vow of Karma Yoga.: To teach, 24/7 and inspire, practice yoga and honor myself through helping others. As we know, when you teach, you learn.
Shanti Bhavan is in the middle of nowhere. It is no wonder they call it Shanti Bhavan, it is a real peace haven here. And of course, the children have won me over. I get up at 6 am everyday to teach and tutor and my days seem endlessly dedicated to helping these kids learn math,theatre and yoga, while simultaneously building rapport among my volunteers and staff. When the day is finally finished, there is little time left for my yoga practice and self-reflection. I must set clear boundaries to do this on my off time. I am also trying, to learn Hindi while I am here and observe the Indian customs and holidays.
I am eager to visit and travel in India, so far it has been Hosur and Bangalore, but I am always grateful when I do return home to Shanti Bhavan. The traveling in India is stressful and sometimes painstakingly full of traffic and pollution. Even though I complain about this bubble at Shanti Bhavan, I know I am desperately needed here, that these children need me. That I have come for a reason, that I have come to join this family of 200 children who without me and the other brave and courageous volunteers , teachers and staff would be in their villages, slaves to poverty, sexual and physical abuse and ignorance.
It is hard sometimes, looking at these kids, to believe where they have come from, and what they have survived already. When I grow homesick, I remind myself of their pain. I remember mine as a kid. I try to share with them. I try to inspire them, with my stories of how I used my education to break out of my impoverished home and go to college on a full scholarship. I’d like to think, I am modeling for them, that yes you can! That no dream is unattainable. That no matter what and where they have been, they can overcome, they can use their minds to break the odds and the ropes of poverty. That one day, as one shanti bhavan child said to me, “No one can will be able to take away what is in my mind, even if I continue to be poor”.
I must hold their dreams and goals, tenderly in my heart, and plant them with my own. Afterall, they are entrusting me with them. I am sure these seeds, while I am here, will see many seasons of change and struggle, but they will flourish with love and compassion as well as laughter. I can’t wait to see these seeds grow side by side we will make a garden of peace…